Life is a big messy painting, and I, am an artist. An artist who is spent in the reflection of what I have completed so far. I see city ending where nature begins, nature explored in the smile of a nursing babe, smoke from passions that burn to no one in endless debate with the vault of heaven, on there right to be; I see a cross upon a hill sillohetted in the rising sun, setting heedless and unheeded on the hurried masses caught in every idle care; I look intently at the hand of a beggar listlessly reaching for unwanted handouts, to the clenched fist of the indulgent youth lost in the immensity of his own mind. I looked with my eyes for once, not thru them, only to see this outward gaze perpetually reflected and retracted in the infinitude of the thought. I sighed as I seen the number of colors used in my unending undertaking. Chaotic, paradoxal, unable to be interpreted, my masterpiece, my thorn in the flesh. I gasped at what I seen next; my own hands, stained deeply with the vessel of my expression, a strange conglomeration of many colors blurred into one dark stain on my once unmolested hands. I am not seperate from what I create. I am not God. Questions boil at the surface, my heart beats broken and beleaguered by never attempted and failed love. A pusillanimus prince paralized by the path ahead, hopeful I can follow, but forgetting how to walk. Paths are forged in the wilderness, but not always in the traditional sense. Some wildernesses we create in our minds and it is easy to lose your way in a wilderness. I don't want to paint any longer, yet my handstrokes continue creating a hateful sight. I cannot be clean if I am not purified by You Lord. I cannot commit to flames what I have created without your strength. I cannot, but, despite myself I choose you.I give my life, all I am to you. I don't know how to be, what words to say, how to live, I am an empty vessel Lord. Jesus Christ I accept your cross anew today, I seek your forgiveness, I look to you for my strength and my comfort. Be my all in all.