Jesus, I am not sure I live up to anything written in your word. I am not sure I have ever felt the power of the Holy Spirit in my life. I don't think I have ever trusted you enough to really take a step of faith. Maybe I have never felt, never experienced the reality of being born again. Maybe I just don't have the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Maybe I just don't know how to give my life to you. Perhaps coming to you has always had me in the lime light. Have I selfishly accepted you because I want to be blessed? What am I doing? Where is my ministry? How have I left anything to follow you? Where is my confidence? Where is my boasting? Why is it that only when one is on their death bed do we realize the immense weight of eternity, the truth about our eternal souls and our need for a Savior? What words of consolation can we offer those who grieve knowing that there loved one is most likely in hell? That is reality, not everyone is going to heaven. What can the prayers of a guilt-ridden, sin-ridden, selfish man like me do? What if I where to boldly say that I know all of the scriptures you could use to comfort me. What if I where to say that my only hope lies in those same scriptures. What if I where to say I am lonely and feel, the only thing that is real in my life is this. I don't feel the love of the Holy Spirit bringing me comfort and assurance. I don't see the needs of the sick and dying being met by me, the one who should be pleading there case. I want to be real! I want to be genuine! I want to walk away from all I know, share in your sufferings, live for you! Serve you! Love you! And be with you always... But, I don't know how to be sincere, to meet peoples needs, to feed them, clothe them, comfort them. Show me the wretchedness of my sin Lord only in contrast to the fullness of your Glory. You are glorified Jesus, you sent your comforter and have prepared a place for me. I pray Lord that you make this real to me and help me to make it real to others.

I wrote last night in a desperate moment these painful words, I wrote because my life feels out of control, my love seems insincere and my faith manufactured at times. Today upon rereading my own words I was struck by something. Struck by the fact that I pitt everything on my ability to succeed, my ability to serve, my capacity to love God, me, me, me. Sure my prayer/plea sounds most earnest and perhaps true in some sense. I am not serving or living in any way close to the way those in Bible times did. My walk is of course completely me centered at times and for the most part I don't feel God's presence bearing down on every aspect of my life. But there is another reality I have completely neglected, the core of the Christian faith. Jesus Christ is Lord! He died for me! He covers my sins! He is the one who will plead my case! He loves me and doesn't see me now; He sees the finished product. His blood HAS washed me, purified me. His death HAS set me free from the bondage of my sin, He HAS delivered me. He will give me the words to say, He will lead me into all righteousness. Jesus you are my Lord, forgive me for trying to make you into nothing more than something to help ME along MY way. Take control of my life, the throne room of my heart is yours, I ask you to adorn it in accordance to your liking. I am weak, broken and not able to fix myself. I commit all of me to all of you, have your perfect will done in my life. Be my Lord... Jesus Christ be glorified through my life as I stand on all of your unfailing promises. Lord God according to those promises I ask you to see the brokenness of Scott's father and in that brokenness to call him by name. Lord that he might be known by you! Heavenly Father you conquered death and sin because of your great love for us. We pray in all earnest that you open His heart to know you, to seek your face and see your glory. How majestic! How powerful! How worthy of all of our praise are you Lord! Not only Scott's earthly father but, my own. There is no to late with you Lord. I ask believing that you are our High Priest. 7"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. 8Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered 9and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him 10and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." I ask according to your promises; 11 "And this is the record, that God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
12 He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life.
13 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:
15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." Lord hear our prayer