Same as usual, have tried many times to write sincerely as possible in my "online journal" but always delete whole pages at a time afraid of my own thoughts. I am so envious of people who go through life and can just have a routine. I read my bible now, go to work now, write now, etc. etc.
I wanted to write in detail about what the Lord has been teaching me, my time at home on vacation, my friends wedding on and on. But that is not me... I come on here when I can't sleep. When my heart is heavy with petty cares. When I just need...
Why was man still lonely after he had named all of the animals when he had God? Why can't I kill this desire in me that desires companionship? I try... My number one desire and goal in life is to give my life in the Lords service. I TRULY TRULY believe that to live is Christ and to die is gain. I have been speaking openly about God to all my coworkers, but then forsaking my own studies. I am seeking after balance. I have come to a lot of conclusions about my motives in many things in life. 1. The way I choose friends is based on what they can offer me and not how I can serve. 2. Most of my goals I strive to achieve are to in the future to set myself up for being a more eligable bachelor. 3. I am still even after all of this time foolishly hurt from my break up with my last girlfriend. 4. I have decided to finally give all of this up and live for God. I will to be eternally minded, forsaking all that is behind me casting aside any desire that is not glorifying God. Learn what it is to obey, learn what it is to love unconditionally, learn what it is to feel compassion. Lord be my strength!!!