Here is an excerpt from the book 'The Great Divorce' this particular interaction in the book is between C.S. Lewis and his guide through heaven George Mac Donald. A saint of God was unable to convince a man to give up his sin and in the process the man tried to use pity to sway the saint the mans attempt failed.

'even now I am not quite sure. Is it really tolerable that she should be untouched by his misery, even his self-made misery?'

'Would ye rather he still had the power of tormenting her? He did it many a day and many a year in their earthly life.'

'Well, no I suppose I don't want that.'

'What then?'

'I hardly know, Sir. What some people say on Earth is the final loss of one soul gives the
lie to all the joy of those who are saved.'

'Ye see it does not.'


'I feel in a way it ought to.'

'That sounds very merciful but see what lurks behind it.'

'What?'

'The demand of the loveless and self-imprisoned that they should be able to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven.'

'I don't know what I want, Sir.'

'Son, son, it must be one way or the other. Either the day must come when Joy prevails and all of the makers of misery are no longer able to infect it:or else forever and ever the makers of misery can destroy for others the happiness they reject for themselves. I know it has a grand sound to say ye'll accept no salvation which leaves even one creature in the dark outside. But watch that sophistry or you will make a Dog in the Manger the tyrant of the universe.'

From this point on the story touches on some very profound points... unfortunately I have to type all of this out instead of copy and paste so I will get on to my point from here.
Instantly, upon reading this I remembered some of the sick thoughts that kept me company in my childhood. The prevelent thought being "What if I where to die, they would be sorry then." (when I felt abused or neglected I said such things) and many other such things as this. I would run through scenerios in my mind of their grieving process at my imagined death and say "serves them right" What really struck me is the fear that I might still do this in my life... although not so blatently. I do think about how my death would affect others around me. Basically the whole need for acceptance, in my case by everyone. The question I ask myself is am I significant?
Believe me I know the answer, I know in my heart that Jesus Christ alone is able to give me significance. People often find their significance in the company of others (comparing themselves amoungst themselves). We find something to lay claim too, a talent, a job affiliation, nationality, race, religion etc. and allow this to be the measure of who we are. Many of these I confess are very accurate indicators of who we are synthetic a priori's really. I want to probe deeper yet though and expose the error in this thinking. Meaning is always derived from a mind. We cannot know about ourselves truly unless the mind who created us endowes importance upon us. My search for meaning and significance ended the day Jesus Christ came into my heart and life. "We were created for thee, and our heart are restless until we find our rest in thee." To know that my maker loves me is all that is important. On that day of finality, the day when we shall all stand before Him it will not be what we think of Him; that is important, but what he thinks of me.
The reason I often doubt myself is becuase I am concerned I might not be good enough. The great thing is that I am not and will never be good enough. I am weak I know, but he says; My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness . . . He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
You see it is acceptance, obediance, and love that are necesary. His grace, His power, our weakness, our waiting upon Him! Humility before the throne room of His presence is the only way.
We who follow this narrow way find freedom in who he is despite our circumstances. Let us lay claim not only to the crown of Christ but His Cross also. A.W. Tozer coined these words in his book 'Of God and Men' "The man with a cross no longer controls his destiny; he lost control when he picked up his cross. That cross immediately became to him an all absorbing interest, an overwhelming interference. no matter what he may desire to do, there is but one thing he can do; that is, move on toward the place of crucifixion."
Please read this prayer and make it the prayer of your own heart in your walk.

Lord make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master; grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. -Saint Francis of Assisi